If you are ever lucky to be in a relationship where protection is mutually demanded, then you are one of the lucky ones. If not (and I am sure many others can relate), there is always that one partner who loves to share intimacy raw, bareback and unprotected.
Just last month, I was proposed with a hypothetical question by a mutual acquaintance “what if your boyfriend demanded that he doesn’t wear a condom?”
Such risky behaviour in this day and age is more common than one might think.
In fact, I have interacted with multiple members of the MSM community who claim they would rather go bareback than let latex come between their relationships. From what I gather, it’s not that these MSMs are not well verse with, and educated in the importance of contraception or sexually transmitted diseases, many of these men give into unprotected sex for various reasons; including:
- Being too horny to argue and negotiate with their partner
- Being scared they may upset or turn off their partner
- The active partner having “too big” a package to comfortably wear a condom
- The active partner going soft whenever a condom is slipped unto his shaft
- The active partner claiming to be allergic to latex
- Ether partner claiming to get tested regularly to know their status and that they are “clean”
The problems with these claims are that nothing is certain. Nothing is sure, sadly, even with the use of a condom. If you or someone you know is facing this issue, the best methods of resolution are to:
- Talk with your partner. Discuss your concerns outside the comforts of an area where you could possibly end up having intercourse, and come to an understanding of what amounts of risk each party is willing to comfortably take moving forward in the relationship.
- Discuss alternatives to latex condoms or intercourse/anal sex with your partner. The aim of this is to leave both parties equally content and sexually satisfied without putting each other at risk.
- Have the active partner masturbate with the condom on, privately or with preferred company, to get more accustomed to the sensation.
- Get the extra-large condoms (Magnum XL is one brand) if he is that “big”. It will help, if it isn’t already been done.
- Make sure lube is placed inside the condom. If properly used, it should slide around a bit which makes the sensation difference between using it and not using it pretty much undetectable, and should not affect the active partner’s ability to maintain an erection.
As someone once advised me, not to be harsh, but getting tested every 3 months is closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. If either party cheats at some point and gets infected, and infects the other, knowing they’re positive won’t really do shit, other than allow them to get started on the medication regimen they’ll have to take for the rest of their life.
Furthermore, someone who isn’t willing to discuss something as crucial to their safety and your safety is not someone you should want to be with.
People who bareback find a bazillion reasons why they don’t want to use condoms, all of which are bogus… and nearly all of them end up HIV+ because they’re all convinced it “won’t happen to them.”
Also, for what it’s worth one of the biggest source of new infections currently is monogamous couples. In other words, closed relationships, where somebody cheats and doesn’t tell the other person.
Ladies and gentlemen, don’t become one of those statistics.