How To Be Better At Topping

Purchase this image at formality’s’ sake, a top is the partner doing the penetration during anal sex – this label is limited explicitly to sexual roles and says nothing about perceived masculinity or dominance in bed. Gay men usually seek to define their sexual role with labels like top, bottom and versatile to indicate their inclinations when it comes to penetration. With that out the way, here are some tips on becoming better at topping.

Relax and Arouse your partner

There’s a lot more to sex then just putting your penis in and humping until the point of orgasm, there’s a certain finesse that comes with being a good top. The first priority should always be getting your partner aroused and relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Pay attention to his body language, if your partner is nervous and tense the overall experience might be less than rewarding. Stay above the belt and consider kissing and lighting touching or licking erogenous zones on his body.

Stimulating the neck sends signals to the circulatory system stimulating blood flow and excitement so try lightly kissing and stroking the nape of the neck, the back of the neck or the ears. The most popular zone for most men is the chest, particularly – the nipples. However, some men might have ultra sensitive nipples while others might not enjoy having their nipples played with, go slow and listen to his body and if you don’t know his opinion on nipple play, ask him.

Go below the belt

The sensitive soft skin of the scrotum is packed with nerve endings, holding, cupping and gently rubbing the scrotum can be a very sensual experience for most men. The inner thighs are another gold mine, but this region can take more pressure – some massaging, nail tracing or kissing can get your partner’s leg giving way.

Non penetrative anal play such as rimming is enjoyed by some men, but talk to your partner before and ensure that necessary preparations have been taken to clean the area. Rimming, is the stimulation of the anus with the mouth and tongue, the practice poses a low risk for HIV transmission but still requires protection with a dental dam to prevent the spread of bacterial infections. Doggie Style is one of the best positions for rimming, with the anus being more accessible.  Begin by gently kissing and fondling the area around the anus including the perineum (that area of skin between the genitals and the anus). Work your way in to the anus by circling your tongue around the outer area. You can suck and nibble the anus directly before going in to insert your tongue into the outer section of the anus.

Purchase this image at’t just rush into it

Take it easy when you’re ready to start, the worst thing you can do is just jam it in. Ensure your penis as well as your partner’s anus is properly lubricated, stick to water based lubricants which are safe for condoms – and no lotion or Vaseline is not a safe alternative. If your partner is interested in being fingered, this is a good way to prepare the anus for entry, just ensure that your nails are short and clean.

To start, slowly slide your penis in and let the bottom control the initial experience, listen to his body’s and let him guide your penis in deeper. Slow passionate grinding is much more practical than the drastic in and out stabs porn stars portray (most while under the influence of TONS of drugs and numbing creams).

Vary the speed and tempo, and switch up positions one your partner warms up to your penis. The most comfortable positions for bottoms is on their stomach – the underrated missionary position. But move around and see what works best in pleasuring your bottom. For those more well endowed, balls deep is again much more appealing in hardcore porn than in real life application. When it’s time for climax, don’t be selfish, make your your partner enjoys an orgasm too. Try giving him a hand-job or touch and kiss his body while he masturbates if he takes a bit longer than you to – come.

Most importantly

Play safe. Everybody is responsible for their own health as well as their partner’s when the decision is made to come together as one in artful coitus. Always negotiate safer sex practices and get tested regularly, at least twice a year.

The Attractor

15 thoughts on “How To Be Better At Topping

  1. Pingback: How To Be Better At Topping | KitoDiaries

  2. Pingback: The Mini Guide to Virgin Sex; and those who have sex with them | The Attractor

  3. Pingback: Shared from WordPress | thepotpourrioflove

  4. I think you’re doing and excellent job here. Im actually planning to devorate all your posts. I think you’re in good track writing bout this far from erotic or bizarre or even denigrate style.

    Greetings. M

  5. Ok, I have a question though for those of us in monogamous relationships who choose NOT to use condoms: What lubricants are best for bare-backing? The only information you offer is for lubricating condoms and I am upset that we gay men are always expected to use condoms for anal sex as if straight men don’t do anal to women but somehow the only idea in the minds of the hetero community about using condoms is for avoiding pregnancy. Whatever anyone thinks of people who do not use condoms, the reality is – there ARE people who don’t use them, especially when in monogamous relationships. So, that being said, what’s your advice for lubricants that will satisfy both people during the act?

    • Have you and your partner ever tried a silicone based lubricant? Water based lubes are encouraged with condom use but if that’s not a concern try a silicone based lube that lasts longer and is not as messy as water based lubes which are absorbed quickly. This is a personal favorite Wet Lubes Wet Uranus Anal Silicone Lube

    • Hi khan,

      I read your reply and I don’t believe you should be upset with the suggestion of safer sex practices. I don’t believe it’s a straight vs. gay situation. The use of condoms are suggested, when partaking in anal sex, to cut the risk of any bacterial infection the penetrator could encounter. In addition to, other STI’s that can be transmitted via anal sex. Gay or straight. It may be a stigma place on gay individuals because we are thought to have many sexual partners, and some do, but I myself don’t see the situation that way. I hope my response changes your view on the suggestion of condom use during anal sex. I also think you’ll be fine with water based lubes. You may have to use it more often.

  6. “everybody is responsible for their own health”- yes, that’s right, so to say “always use a latex condom” is contradictory. Some people negotiate penetrative sex without a condom and that should be TOTALLY OK! It’s consensual, it’s communicative, it’s THEIR responsibility. I’m not sure it’s the place of an article talking about topping to make generalised statements like “always use a condom”. Sure, embed health promotion in your article but don’t alienate people in the process.

  7. Hi, can you bring to light a few things on dudes who are verse and just loving it. Thanks for the articles they keep me refreshed and ground to my true self as a GAY DUDE…….

  8. Ok, but any advice on how to tell a bottom who is all “Stick it in me NOW!” that you need time to get into it? I always feel rushed as the top and expected to be ready to go at the drop of a hat.

  9. I am enjoying reading your articles. You’re saying everything that the best of us know to be true. Do you mind me sharing your articles on Facebook or BGC? I’m giving you credit of course. If you do, I’ll remove them. Let me know. Keep up the good work!

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