The stigma that surrounds having sex with virgins or being a virgin is timeless. As far back as history records, virgins have been used for sacrificing, insuring a valid marriage, make for better sex…or can cure HIV. But this blog is not about these ridiculous values or myths, it’s about having sex with virgins: a mini anal guide for first timers and those who like to have sex with first timers.
- If you are not sexually active or have never had sex before and you know there is a possibility you may do so in the near future, one of the main things you want to do is eat light. Separate and apart from diet—which we will get to soon—the easiest way to ruin a first time penetration is to be penetrated on a full stomach. It’s uncomfortable and makes one feel unsexy. Not to mention, the motions and actions of penetration may confuse the receptors in your rectum muscles, causing you to mistake the sensation of sex with the easing sensation of bowl movement. Note: this could actually lead to bowl movement. (please see previous blog, How To Be Better at Bottoming).
- Drink lots of liquid, consume lots of foods packed with unsaturated fats, high in protein and healthy bacteria. This will stimulate the body’s ability to increase the creation of synthetic forms of bacteria (such as flora) which live within our intestines, acting as a natural form of internal lubrication to defend against internal tearing or bruising, and fights against minor strains of common foreign bacteria which could be transferred during sex.
- Cleaning yourself in preparation for anal sex is simple: a. take a warm bath or shower and wash around the genital and perianal area with soap. b. Your done!
- Douching is not your best friend, but rather a quick fix solution.
- Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter if you are the giver or the receiver, both parties should be moving at the same pace. If you find that ether one of you are getting ahead of each other before it Is time, then you probably are and will not end up enjoying your first time.
- Touching, kissing, light or heavy petting, even a bit of BDSM may be wise to start off with. Not everyone needs this sort of care. However, sex is more enjoyable if both persons are wet and leaking before the real action begins. If you are a topping a virgin, and you realise your partner is not yet pre-cumming (even if you are) it simply means they are not ready! Again, this does not apply to everyone, but as a general use of thumb, reading your partner’s body and putting aside your own desire for a moment could lead to a more rewarding experience for both persons involved.
- It doesn’t matter whether you are topping or bottoming, if you have any form of infection or virus (including HIV) and you could be putting your partner at risk, you should disclose at your discretion. Using a condom is not enough. However, suggesting the use of a condom at this point is vital; and using words like “I want to protect you,” or “I am not sure of my health status” can suffice without killing the mood or raising any alarms. Furthermore, in many countries, it’s by-law that anyone who is going to have sex with someone who is HIV+ should disclose their status before intercourse, unless they have a low or untraceable viral load, continuously, for over a 12 month period. Nevertheless, if you care for the person you are being intimate with, disclosing to them your health stats—should you knowingly have any transferable infection or virus—would be wise.
- Starting slow is always principle. (Please see How to be Better at Topping if you have not yet read)
- If entry seems to be a challenge, it probably means the receiving partner is not yet relaxed and willing. However, this may not be so in all cases. Most virgins are usually always tense and often times unaware that they are. If so, go back to kissing and foreplay. There is no rush. Make sure they are relaxed!
- Try different positions for entry. Sometimes based on body structure, the position used for entry may not be the most comfortable. The best position for first time entry is usually sitting positions (please see previous blog on Gay Sex Positions Guide). This is because it’s more of a reverse role, and the receiver gets to control how much of the giving partner is received. The top in this case would take a passive role and allow the bottom to make themself comfortable by being in some form of control. However, again, this may not work for everyone, but is usually the best bet.
- If it is your first time topping, contrary to popular belief, easing in slowly isn’t the best way in. Lining up your tool with the point of entry and slowly jerking your way in without any sudden entry or withdrawal in the best way to have your partner ready for all of you. Remember, whether it is anal or vaginal sex, the point of entries are all lined with and controlled by muscles. If the body anticipates pain, these muscles will constrict. If they anticipate pleasure, they will be more forgiving.
- Getting in is just the end of the beginning. Sustaining a pleasurable experience for both parties is the hard part. The position of entry may not necessarily be the most comfortable position for penetration. Do not be afraid to switch it up and try numerous positions even if it is your first time having sex. Move into a combination of different positions to see what you like and how you feel and try to have fun doing it. Don’t be shy! Once you know what you like and you are comfortable, try talking to your partner or reading their body language to see if they are feeling just as pleased as you are. If not, search for the position which comforts and pleases you both the best. Don’t forget to look them in the eye—for the eyes always tell.
- Remember, all penises are not made equal. So it doesn’t matter if it is your first time having sex or your first time having sex with a particular person. Trying out new combinations to please yourself with this individual would be wise.
- Once the active partner has climaxed, while still hard, it is very important to use this opportunity to hold the base of the condom, slide the latex off the shaft and seal the contents by ether wrapping the used condom in a generous amount of tissue paper or tying off the base of it.
- Disposal of condoms should only be done in a trash bin, away from pets and other animals—and not down the toilet or out the window of your 14th floor apartment!
- Sex can be messy. It can be sweaty and sloppy and full of saliva and body fluids and everything else you can possibly think of—even blood! An experienced person would be kinder to utilize a warm damp cloth, and clean up his or her partner. Even without experience, such an act is endearing and can do well to the post psychological effects of sex (especially of first timers) and not to mention, keep your surroundings clean.
- Finally, shower together with your partner after sex if you can.