Relationships are not easy, and gay relationships are not exempt from those difficulties faced by everyone who tries to open up their life to someone else. Like anything else in life, a relationship takes a lot of effort and work from both sides, and if one party is not pulling their weight, there’s bound to be some problems along the lines. Before I get into the common relationship killers that sabotage our relationships, I want to get you first to a place of not looking for a partner to complete you. There is something infantile about the notion that we need to look outwards to be complete, so for starters: The best relationship advice I could give you is to start with self love. Now here are five other relationship crimes committed by gay men.
1. Open Relationships
The prospect of open relationships have always been interesting and exciting for a lot of gay men, the idea that you can have your boyfriend but still continue to have sexual relationships with other guys is almost like the best of both worlds. While open relationships can work for a lot of couples, for many others they can’t. Opening relationships can not only start to inspire feelings of insufficiency or doubt in your partner, but it can welcome a lot of drama. You and your partner become at risk for falling out of love and in love with someone else, while threesomes might be a bit more optional: open relationships are seldom the cure all for your relationship problems. Sometimes we make the decision to open the door of our relationships because what we really want to do is to close the door.
A common relationship mistake gay men make is attaching themselves too much and too quickly. One of the darker truths of life is that you are irredeemably alone, and too much attachment is one of the main sources of hurt and pain. It is not your partner’s fault if you have had issues in the past with other people or family and it is not his job to pick up the pieces. While there is nothing wrong with loving hard, one must learn to have his own voice, his own identity and his own life. If you worry too much about latching on, you run the risk of pushing your partner away. Instead of seeking outwards for a partner to complete you, turn inwards instead.
3. You don’t inspire trust
Trust issues is one of the most common issues in gay relationships, truth be told – often times we find it difficult to trust other people because we know what we would do if were in similar situations. Trust is a fragile feeling and it is easy to damage. It doesn’t have to be cheating or outward lying either. If you’re sending secretive messages to another guy on Facebook or acting shifty around your partner, you could be communicating that you are not someone who is to be trusted. The best way to inspire trust and the best way to maintain it is to simply not do anything that could destroy it.
4. Being With Someone For Comfort: (Money, Favors, Apartment)
While there is no problem moving in with your boyfriend or sharing an account or money, there is a fine line between sharing and taking more than he wants to give. Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net. Learn to work for your own, earn your own and have your own things. There’s nothing worse than having a break-Up and you having to be out on the street because everything belongs to him. While some men may seem amazing at first, you quickly find out they may be using you as well. Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury.
5. Not Allowing Your Boyfriend To Go Out With Friends
You’re his boyfriend not his master. The common mistake a gay man make is is thinking he can control his boyfriend. While a lot of Gay couples don’t mind being on a leash and it works for them, some people just need space. This is where trust really comes in. If you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend enough with any of his friends, then he’s not for you. A good boyfriend is suppose to make you feel secure and know that he is there for you not because you’re around. Same thing with Passwords and emails. If you can’t trust your boyfriend you don’t deserve him. He’s his own person and whether you like it or not, we’re in the real world. Unlike the club where you’re in a close capacity to horny drunk men, the world is full of different people, not all out to get your man. Learn to trust and to live your own life as well. Some things you can do together and some apart.