To Find Love, You Have To Let go of Baggage

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So here’s the scenario: You’re in a bar and you order a shot of tequila and a glass of water, the bar tender takes your order, smiles, and returns 10 minutes later with your drink and the water. You’re about to take your first sip but you notice something, there’s dirt at the bottom of your glass. You call the bar tender over, justifiably upset, she apologizes and returns with your drink in a bigger glass, she tells you she poured more water on it and hands it back to you. There’s still dirt at the bottom of your glass, so at this point – you get up and leave the bar. But what was the real issue here? Your bartender gave you more water, right? So why was the drink still not up to your standards? The thing is, adding more water to the already sad drink didn’t make it any more appetizing.

End scene.

Here’s the second scenario: You’re about to get into a relationship, he asks you all the things you’re looking for in a partner and he seems to fit the bill perfectly. But you’re hiding something from him, you didn’t tell him about the baggage that you’re coming into the relationship with. Six months in, he tells you that you’re not the person he fell in love with and that he wants to end the relationship.

See, relationships aren’t that much different from that glass of water you ordered in the first scenario, the bar tender neglected to meet your expectations, and now, you’re dating and things don’t ever seem to work out. Something some of us fail to do is introspection, we shy away from the idea of digging deep into our consciousness and taking a long, hard look at the issues we’re walking around with. We’ve become so accustomed to burying our problems that we now can no longer see how inadvertently they affect our lives and the decisions we make.

We can’t see how our childhood problems with our parents have transferred into our adult lives, causing us to seek out the same kind of damaged love that we were accustomed to as children. Because even though it was hurtful – it was still a loving relationship. We seek out partners that remind us of this familiar archetype of love. We can’t see how the problems that we buried years ago cause us to lash out at our unsuspecting partners now, leaving them confused because it seems to be coming from nowhere.

Human beings are biologically social animals, we have a natural craving for love and comfort, it is as instinctual as our need for food and protection. Until we can take an honest look at our lives and start addressing the baggage we are walking around with daily, we’ll continue to be burdened by past problems. Temporary distractions only offer a short-lived resolve, we won’t find the answer in a bigger house, or a bigger car, or nicer clothes – we will only find it when we isolate, and dig deep.

Adding more water didn’t make the glass of water any less dirty, so too, in our own lives, the only way to liberate ourselves from ourselves, is by getting rid of some of the ideas we hold on to dearly because they feel familiar – only then can we truly start living a life of fulfilment and happiness.

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