1. Mentally and Physically Prepare
Before anything can happen, it is important for you to check your mood. Do you feel like topping or is your mind elsewhere? If the answer is no and you are just looking to release, don’t force yourself to top your man. Most bottoms will be able to detect if you’re truly feeling it and if the experience is genuine. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, provided the both of you are down with an alternative activity. If the answer is yes and you are in the mood to top, make sure you take the time to clean yourself properly. It doesn’t hurt to manscape and groom in a way that is pleasing to your bottom. It will show him you care about what is to come in a way that sends a positive, respectful message.
2. Verbally appreciate him
Ask any bottom and they will tell you that narcissistic tops are the worst. This type of guy is the one who simply inserts, drills and says nothing during the process – taking care of his own needs without showing appreciation for the bottom. To avoid being “that guy”, it’s important to compliment your man and let him know how beautiful he is. Avoid using phrases that feminize, dehumanize or humiliate him. Hot talk can be fun and your goal should be to turn your man on – but don’t ruin the moment by getting carried away.
3. Share the power and control dynamic
One of the myths associated with being a good gay top is that you have to be the one in control. And while it is true most tops are wired to do what they do, this doesn’t mean they need to be controlling. In fact, this approach can very much be a turn-off. A better method is to share power and control and let your bottom guide you towards what he wants. Follow his lead in form and position and mindfully tune into where you sense he is heading. Believe it or not, bottoms can be aggressive too.
4. Synchronize your breathing
If you are a top that tends to blow too quickly or if this is the case for your bottom, it’s time to start focusing on mindful breathing techniques. This approach will help circulate your blood flow and distribute oxygen throughout your system. To engage in mindful breathing, simply take a few deep breaths and center your awareness on the here and now. Purge your mind of extraneous thoughts, particularly if you are focused on the end game. Work with your partner to synchronize breathing. This will help the both of you and may even offer the added benefit of edging.
5. Make sure he releases
Depending upon the dynamics, it is possible that you will release before your partner. There’s nothing wrong with that happening however, it’s not a permission slip to say, “Ok – my work is done here.” Remember, he still has some unfinished business to attend to. If you can continue doing your thing, great. But if you can’t, use other approaches to help him reach his end point. This isn’t difficult. Kiss him, touch him and love on him him until he fountains.